D&D Releases "Dwarven Ale Summit" Module

The city of Hhoran contains a good mix of all the races - humans, elves, eladrin, halflings, dwarves, dragonborn, tieflings, orcs, kobolds, etc. Hhoran is also celebrated as a place of fair-mindedness and opportunity for all that does not discriminate against members of any humanoid race. But beneath the surface of Hhoran there are interracial problems that threaten to tear the city apart, or at least make some people moderately mad.

In recent days a human peacekeeper makes news by arresting an affluent elf over questionable reasons. Now the city's human and elf populations show signs of tension. A prominent human calls the elf a "forest monkey." The city's elected King Omaba makes comments that fan the flames rather than sooth them. A few days later the King decides to host an honest conversation about race over mugs of the finest dwarven ale - but not before the local Dwarves complain that the King is offering a brand of ale from another nation's dwarves.

As mediators, the player characters are invited to take part in the much anticipated conversation that has been coined the "Dwarven Ale Summit." But the heroes must be careful not to let their Con scores dwindle too much through over-consumption, else they drop out of the adventure! (There are no lethal combats in this module.)

Watch for a surprise appearance when the King's Viceroy shows up unannounced! For player characters level 3-6.

Cereal Ponderings

There is a low budget general store downtown that carries the most basic goods in the absence of any other "this and that" type store within half a mile of the downtown district where I work (since the drug store moved out 5-6 years ago). I sometimes will grab a box of the generic cornflakes they carry. The box says, “Keep it simple. Pay only for taste.”

The weird thing I’ve encountered over the years with generic cereals is the glue they use where you tear an opening in the bag is a sub-quality type that is nearly impossible to tear so that you just make an opening. Rather it splits the bag so you have cereal pouring down into the box when you pour it.

I’ve often wondered if the margin of profit is so small that the manufacturer had to go to a glue that costs .08 cents per box instead of the type of glue that big-time companies like Kelloggs or General Mills use that cost a decadent 1.04 cents per box.

Small Towners Deny Obama's Citizenship, Mellencamp Considers Getting the Hell Out of the Small Town

If you haven't seen CNN's Rich Sanchez blast these nutty folks who insist that Obama is not a viable citizen of the United States to become President, but rather is a citizen of Kenya, do yourself a favor and enjoy the first couple minutes of this video. This town hall meeting devolves into Lord of the Flies..."Kill the pig, cut her throat, spill her blood!"

We asked one person (who we'll call Rich F.) on the streets what he would do if he found himself in this Twilight Zone audience: I'd say, 'Sit the fuck down you stupid bitch. There are goddamn TV cameras here and I don't want to be associated with this bullshit.'"

Clearing Up Kids' Confusion Phrase of the Week

Lately I've been hearing a lot of teenagers confusing the phrase "hari kari" - as in to commit hari kari - with esteemed Cubs broadcaster, Harry Caray. From what I can infer from overhearing their conversations, to commit "Harry Caray" means to die, not through ritual suicide with a dagger or sword, but rather from a combination of old age and abusing one's body by overindulging on cheap American beer. It is unfortunate that people born after 1990 aren't more familiar with this late great icon of my childhood, but at least I can take comfort in knowing his legacy will live on through those who invoke his name, however misused it may be.

New Super-Criminal Appears After Hershey's Factory Accident

(CNN) -- An employee at a New Jersey chocolate processing plant died Wednesday after falling into a vat of hot chocolate, according to a spokesman for the Camden County Prosecutor's office.

Vincent Smith II, 29, was dumping raw chocolate into the vat for melting when he fell in from a nine-foot high platform. He suffered a fatal blow to the head from the vat's agitator, a paddle-like mechanism used for stirring the chocolate.
According to the Camden County prosecutor's office, three other people were on the platform at the time. One was able to shut the machinery off quickly, but it was too late to save Smith.
The facility, owned by Cocoa Services Inc., is managed and operated by by Lyons and Sons.

The rectangular vat, which was 8 feet deep, 14 feet long and 6 feet wide, was churning a batch of chocolate for Hershey's when the accident occurred, the prosecutor's office said.

I can see this guy actually surviving the accident, using a skid row plastic surgeon to try to fix the wicked smile formed by the fall into the chocolate vat, and reigning in terror to his city, complete with an evil Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade with balloons filled with chocolate fumes.

Samuel L. Jackson Takes Special Interest in Single Plane Crash Survivor

I'm sure much of our readership has already heard the miraculous story of the single survivor of a passenger airliner crash off the coast of Africa. Just about every news outlet has reported the freak circumstances of 152 passengers dying, but one surviving with barely a scratch. For those of you who have been backpacking the last week in the remote mountains of Alberta, here is a short blurb:

A 14-year-old girl has survived after a Yemeni airliner with 153 people on board crashed in the Indian Ocean.

The girl was plucked alive from the ocean after the Airbus A310-300 went down in stormy weather as it tried to land in the Comoros capital, Moroni, in the early hours on Tuesday.

"A doctor from the military hospital aboard one of the rescue boats called the Mitsamiouli hospital to tell them a child had been rescued alive," Halidi Ahmed Abdou, a doctor at a medical centre opened for survivors, told Reuters.

It has come to our attention that Samuel L. Jackson, who is mostly wheelchair bound due to suffering from a disease that makes his bones quite fragile, has been following this story closely and intends to meet with the teenage survivor.