New Airline Promises to Not Leave You Hanging During the Rapture

Although the airline industry has found itself in tough times since 9/11, a new carrier called Rapture Air has filled one niche glaringly missing among all the other airline companies. Rapture promises all the standard fair: over 70 domestic destinations plus 60 cities abroad, competitive ticket prices, and fewer hassles due to lost luggage. But Rapture's unique claim is that it hires exclusively pilots who are non-believers. That way when the Rapture happens, you will not perish in a senseless plane crash due to the fact your pilot has just mysteriously been taken by God.

Why Mom Told You Not to Date Out of Your Paygrade

Every so often thez0rk reminds me that the glass will still be half full when the world ends. Whether the end comes via a rise of the zombies, utter financial collapse, or Matthew Broderick accidentally starting a nuclear war between the US and Russia, at least the end will permanantly rid us of folks like this:

(excerpt) In the days after the fall of Lehman, Craigslist attracted several posts from people who said they were Lehman employees, becoming a kind of clearinghouse for the detritus of the Wall Street male ego. On September 17, one banker put his East 91st Street apartment up for rent and with it, his bachelorhood. (“I can no longer afford my apartment seeing as Lehman Brothers felt the need to steal my money and my soul … I am moving in with my girlfriend.”) Another headline read, “Should I leave my fiancé? … I guess I already know the answer. My boyfriend … rather fiancé, is/was employed by Lehman Brothers,” the posting stated. “In less than a week we went from being millionaires to just having a couple of 100K … I suppose this means it’s over. I am who I am. I personally blame all this on [Lehman CEO] Dick Fuld. I blame him for ruining my happiness.”

University of Idaho Ditches Perfect Cheerleading Uniforms

I have to admit, the single reason I spent $120 a month for a satellite package to get the more obscure college football games from the Rocky Mountain region was so I could watch the Idaho cheerleaders when the camera occasionally pans to the sidelines. Leave it to the same people who vote to make sure Idaho is a red state every year to deprive a man of this simple pleasure! Sports Illustrated reports that the university has removed the uniforms due to complaints.

One advisor to the spirit squad makes the strange point that, "Girls are just bigger these days, not everybody's a size zero," Robson said. "We're not being a bunch of prudes." Uh...okay.

Proof About Obama's Shady Muslim Past

I've been hearing a number of uppity liberals denying the truth about Obama's secret Muslim faith. I'm not sure how these people can deny this. We've all seen the numerous email forwards documenting Obama's connections with Muslimism? Plus, we've all seen the footage of his crazy Muslim preacher ranting and raving about "Goddamn America."

But that isn't all the evidence we've got. Look, here's a photo the Obama camp would prefer that you not see, with Obama as a boy AT A MUSLIM SCHOOL! Can't you feel the evil radiating off of all those little kids?

And here's another picture of Obama with a woman wearing a headdress. I mean I have Black friends, but this is a bit ridiculous.

And here's a photo of Mohammad Ali. Yep, we got the proof on you, Barack!

McCain Campaign Smears Obama on Sex Ed for Little Kids

Wow, apparently if you're hurting for votes in a Presidential election you should sink to distorting your opponent's plan to teach age appropriate warnings about sexual predators and say that he wants to teach kids the nitty gritty of sex. Check this out.

I really don't like to beat up on McCain - a man who was stuck in a POW camp for five years; a man who marvelously showcased the bottle of Jack on Conan O'Brien's Celebrity Secrets; a man who thumbed his nose and angered fellow Republicans by not going along with their religious zealotry - but this really reeks of Decepti-con treachery.

Domestic Abuse Groups Happy Hurricane is Spreading Awareness

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has come under fire recently for celebrating Hurricane Ike as a messenger against domestic violence, while seeming to ignore the death and devastation of the storm. In a press conference yesterday, the NCADV defended its position on Hurricane Ike, stating:

"A lot of people have been saying that the NCADV puts a priority on domestic abuse victims over those who have suffered due to this deadly hurricane. I want to make it crystal clear it was not our intent to convey that idea. We apologize if anyone misinterpreted our message in this way. While the NCADV is encouraged that the National Hurricane Center made the decision to increase awareness about domestic violence by naming Ike after one of our nation's most infamous and prolific wife beaters, the NCADV in no way means to downplay the loss of life and property associated with this spectacular storm. Our members' hearts go out to the citizens of Cuba, who were knocked around last weekend by the powerful winds of Hurricane Ike, which is not so unlike being knocked around by the angry fists of a husband who has come home after a few too many to drink only to find dinner is not done. The NCADV keeps the people of Texas and Northern Mexico in our prayers."

Notre Dame Cheated by Polls, Not Awarded Ranking

Although I attended the University of Notre Dame, I consider myself to be pretty objective when it comes to judging Notre Dame football. I can admit that last year they weren't that great of a team. Though I wouldn't say they were as bad as some people did.

So after seeing the ND game against San Diego State this Saturday I have to wonder why the f--k the Irish are not ranked after showing the nation they are not a team that will go down easily this year!? Did the coaches and sports reviewers not watch the same game I watched?

The Notre Dame offensive line gave up zero sacks in the game! Whoa! And when San Diego State approached their goal line, threatening to go up by two touchdowns, the Irish dug deep and showed that they are a top-tier team this year by forcing a fumble at a crucial point in the game. Those heroics were like something out of a movie! Further, when the Irish needed to get another score in the fourth quarter, Clausen led the team down the field like clockwork with one big completion after another. If Notre Dame were a team more like the sort you see in Florida, they could have even run up the score at the end for a more dominating score.

Karl Rove Proves to Be the Sith Master

Recently Karl Rove has gone to work for the McCain campaign. Considering the smear campaign that Rove and the Bush campaign waged against McCain in 2000, Rove seems like an unlikely adversary to join forces with the McCain campaign. The Nation reports my personal favorite smear against McCain in the 2000 Republican primaries:

"Rove invented a uniquely injurious fiction for his operatives to circulate via a phony poll. Voters were asked, "Would you be more or less likely to vote for John McCain...if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?" This was no random slur. McCain was at the time campaigning with his dark-skinned daughter, Bridget, adopted from Bangladesh."

But I'm getting off topic. What most interests us at Pfft, Science! is that our prediction from 2005 that Karl Rove was the Sith master, and not Dick Cheney, as some believed, is supported by Rove joining forces with McCain/Palin.

After all, we can assume that a Sith master consumed by powerlust and evil would not drop out of politics simply because his two terms as, say, Vice President was over. No! Thus, it doesn't seem likely that Cheney is him. Rather, Rove has been the one orchestrating evil behind the scenes all this time. Now that we see that he is back in government using his dark side powers, we declare it is he who is the Sith master!