Tutu Demonstrates He Doesn't Know His Horror Literature

Recently, Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu called the Zimbabwean President, Rob Mugabe, a "Frankenstein." This led thez0rk and Wester to contemplate Tutu's analogy.

Wester said, "I think Tutu doesn't fully appreciate the metaphor. Frankenstein (his monster, that is) was 'evil' not so much because he was inherently that way, so much as he found only malice and disgust from his fellow man. Who among us wouldn't turn darkside after such treatment? I don't think Mugabe went bad because the people of Zimbabwe abused him."

thez0rk responded, "Tutu has probably never READ Frankenstein. That's my guess."

Wester added, "Mugabe is more like Dracula. You invite him into your home (or elect him to office), and he takes advantage of the situation by bleeding you dry, killing your family, and misappropriating public funds."

thez0rk said, "Dracula's closer than Frankenstein. But Blacula is the right reference in this case."

Jesus Probably Rode Dinosaurs

Goodguys Win Giant Sequoia Legal Battle

I received this letter today:

Dear Wester,

I am delighted to share with you some very exciting news about a giant victory for Sierra Club and the Giant Sequoia National Monument.

Just a week ago we saw the end to the Sierra Club’s three year long battle with the timber industry, preventing them - once and for all - from logging in the Giant Sequoia National Monument.

The win came at the 11th hour, as the Sierra Club legal team prepared to appear in the Ninth Circuit court to argue the last case standing, a last-ditch appeal by the timber industry, regarding commercial logging in the Monument. But on the eve of the hearing, they abandoned and withdrew their appeal - putting the final nail in the coffin of this very drawn out case - and putting an end to the pillage of these iconic trees.

This was a major victory for the Sierra Club - and it would not have been possible without the support of our committed Members and Supporters. Thank you.

Beginning in 1901, when John Muir lobbied for the expansion of Sequoia National Park to encompass the entire range of the giant sequoia, the Sierra Club has advocated for the protection of giant sequoia ecosystems in their entirety. And after years of fighting to keep our towering Sequoia trees safe from the timber industry's saws, we have finally won. Thanks to this hard-earned victory, our children and grandchildren will be able to stand in awe of these noble giants for generations to come.

Thank you again for your contribution to this critical victory - it never could have happened without your support.

Sincerely,

Carl Pope
Executive Director

Toby Keith Says He Likes Clinton, Obama and McCain

Those would-be voters who just can't decide who to vote for in this next presidential election have sought out the advice of Toby Keith to help them sort out their thoughts. Unfortunately, Keith has said he thinks all three candidates running are good candidates. Thanks, Toby, that was a lot of help. I guess we're going to have to make this decision without your wisdom.

Hulk Movie Threatens Kid-Kind by Encouraging Smoking!

This is a little excerpt thez0rk and I have been discussing:

"Shame on 'The Incredible hulk' for unnecessarily adding smoking to a sequel that would have been just as exciting and believable without it," said Dianne Fenyk, President of the Alliance. "Universal Studios and the other Hollywood studios should be especially embarrassed for using comic book movies, which they market to children and know youth will want to see, to promote tobacco."

As thez0rk puts it, "The fact that people would think that kids would want to smoke because some 60 year old General in a movie chomps on a cigar. Fucking christ."

I can see the commercial for this:

"Hey kids (big phoney happy voice), you loved the evil, age-spotted General in the hit movie The Incredible Hulk starring Edward Norton. Now you too can be like him by spending your down time between bicycle rides and sandlot baseball games by chomping away on the brand of cigars and cigarillos that you've come to know and trust, Dutch Masters. Smoke 'em if you got 'em."

thez0rk added, "Can you imagine what pussies kids are going to grow up to be? Imagine they're off to college and they see somebody smoking outside a bar....it'll be the mental equivalent of seeing somebody shoot up heroin."

Pulp Fiction Pawn Shop Starring Hillary and Obama

INT. PAWN SHOP BASEMENT - DAY

Hillary Clinton's hand comes into the frame, pushing the door open. It swings open, revealing a guy in a striped Elephant suit bent over Lady Liberty.

Lady Liberty, red ball gag in mouth, opens her eyes and sees Hillary and Barack Obama, Hillary with a sword, Obama with a pump action shotgun.

Obama raises his shotgun but can't get a shot 'cause Hillary won't get out of the way.

Obama
Step aside, Bitch.

The guy in the Elephant suit realizes Oh, shit, the Democrats are here and disengages from Lady Liberty in a hurry.

Hillary steps aside just enough.

KABOOM!!! Obama blasts the guy in the Elephant suit in the groin. Down he goes, screaming in agony.

Hillary
You okay?

Lady Liberty
Naw, man. I'm pretty fuckin' far from okay.

Long pause.

Hillary
(to Obama) What now?

Obama
What now? Let me tell you what now. I'm gonna call in John Edwards, Wesley Clark, Bill Richardson, Al Gore. You hear me talking Elephant boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'm gonna git Medieval on your ass.

Hillary
I meant what now, between you and me. Can I be VP?

Obama
Oh, that what now? There ain't gonna be no you and me. You've lost your D.C. priveleges.

Tennessee GOP, Same ODB's

When Moveon.org took a cheap shot at General Patraeus with the whole "General Betray Us" line, thez0rk and I denounced them for their low blow. Now the Tennessee GOP has resorted to the sort of dirty tricks we came to know from the Swift Boat era and doctored up a commercial smearing Michelle Obama. And with a dip of the GOP's bare hand into the shiz pen, it has launched its fecal assault for the 2008 campaign. 'Cause, you know, there is nothing classier than going after a candidate's wife instead of addressing the candidate himself.