Humanity Chooses Repugnant Fly over Honey Bee as Favorite

Get ready for the newest AVP of the insect world. In recent years the bee population, which pollinates a substantial percentage of the crops we rely on, has been devastated in number. Entire colonies have died, and their numbers in nature continue to be hauntingly low. Still, this week humans have voted bees less popular than even the house fly - you know that foulest of foul insect that leaves its spit residue and does its unabashed shit-walk on your 4th of July carry-in buffet. We thought the fly was an insect only Jeff Goldblum could love, but after another straight-out-of-the-70s-disaster-horror-movie-genre event like this we can see why.

(CNN) -- The holiday weekend buzz at a California fair was stinging.

A July Fourth fireworks show disturbed a hive and angry bees swarmed a crowd of spectators at the Alameda County Fair on Friday night. About 100 people were stung, some multiple times, said Alameda County spokeswoman Aisha Knowles.

The bees were not discriminating -- in waves of attacks, they stung young and old alike. The victims ranged from 6 months to 60 years and were treated by firefighters on the scene. None of the injuries were serious, she said...

The Cohenian Future

In 1992, Leonard Cohen released a highly regarded album called The Future. On one of the songs, titled “The Future,” Cohen ponders myriad dark shit that will greet us one day when the future arrives.

You'll see a woman
hanging upside down
her features covered by her fallen gown
and all the lousy little poets
coming round
tryin' to sound like Charlie Manson
and the white man dancin'

If the song was longer it would delve into plenty more. This is one of those things:

In the future… people will be so cynical about white women disappearing that when a non-minority woman goes missing, people will just openly mock the abduction and be annoyed that the news bothers the rest of us to report it.

Obama Administration Suspiciously Silent On Umpire Robbing Pitcher of Perfect Game

Did you watch Detroit Tiger Armando Galarraga throw a perfect game last night? Well, technically Galarraga's effort won't go down in history as a perfect game because of a bad call with two outs in the ninth inning from umpire, Jim Joyce. If you saw the game, Galarraga clearly tapped the first base bag with the ball gloved before the runner when the umpire called the runner safe.

Let me follow up this with a second question regarding our President. Is this the change you voted for?!

That's right Mr. President, where are you in all this? Is it just me or does it also strike you as funny that it was just a couple months ago that President Obama was throwing out what passes as a first pitch these days for the Washington Nationals opening game. Yet there is no report whatsoever that he even bothered to address bad calls when he had the opportunity to talk to MLB umpires. There's another thing - notice how he made the point to throw the pitch left-handed? Yeah, nice move from the guy who claimed he was going to bring bipartisanship to Washington.

Come to think of it, the President has a bad track record when it comes to baseball. Remember his mom-jeans when he threw the first pitch at the All-Star Game in 2009? Who doesn't, right?

I know those on the left have cried foul when others have made the earnest charge that the President is a proponent of socialist and communist ideas. Yet somehow it's okay when Obama's administration has nothing to say about a bad call that deprives a pitcher of the elusive Perfect Game and threatens to damage the credibility of America's Pasttime. Apparently America's Pasttime isn't important, but allowing illegals to run rampant in the country, defending terrorists, and pandering to socialist Europe are.

I ask again, is this the change you voted for?

Philosophical Musings of thez0rk

The angry white man thing is still something I don't understand and obviously will never get behind.

Truthfully, with the attitude of a lot of small town/rural whites...I see large parts of this country turning into a ghetto. The idea that education isn't important (ignorant and proud), you should work hard but you should never actually change or have any real level of ambition. Xenophobia and this are going to leave a lot of people unable to compete economically.

Honestly, I've developed a bit of an affection for south Florida. It's a true melting pot, what the American experiment was meant to be and it was built by immigrants. A lot of people come here from Latin American and Caribbean countries and make their own way. I find it quite impressive compared to your typical white dick head who'll spend 20 years of his life in a factory and never prepare for anything else and then be utterly amazed when his job disappears when he's 40 and then looks for somebody to blame (democrats, immigrants, fags).

Hard work is not a virtue in and of itself.

Sammy Hagar's Fountain of Youth

Recently some guys in my hobby group were talking about Carl Sagan, Hawking and Einstein with regard to the Theory of Relatively. As anyone familiar with the basics of relativity knows, one part of the theory states that as you travel at a faster and faster rate of speed your aging process slows down – while others not traveling at a high rate of speed continue to age normally. This means that if we send a ship to a nearby star system at a speed approaching the speed of light it could get there in a few years. But the families and friends of the crew who stayed on Earth would age at a considerably faster rate and perhaps be long dead by the time the crew returned home.

In related matters, I’d been thinking recently about how youthful Sammy Hagar looks at the venerable age of 62. Applying the theory of relatively to the Red Rocker himself, we can grasp how Hagar manages to still look so young. All we have to do is look to Hagar's tour de force, “I Can’t Drive 55,” in which he makes it plain that when he goes somewhere he goes there really fucking fast!

Weed Your Garden Or Die!

You like your video games fast, dangerous and on-the-go just like your real life! Well, get ready because Electronic Artistas has reported to Pfft, Science's tech division that they are following up the 1987 in-your-face titled game Skate or Die! with one sure to get the alternative, not-afraid-to-get-their-hands-dirty crowd's blood pumping.

Weed Your Garden Or Die! will feature 22 different levels of challenging gardens to weed with a tense timer clock to test your mettle. Eliminate the alien-invasive species from your garden so your flowers and shrubbery can earn you the respect of your neighborhood. Face off against over a dozen insect, arachnid and rodent Bosses. And be careful what you pull! Is that fledgling vine poison ivy or harmless virginia creeper? If you don't have any Tecnu® Rash Relief™ or pot roasts handy, you don't want to find out the hard way!

Weed Your Garden Or Die! will hit stores this summer!

Mike Knowles is a Piece of Shit

Some months ago thez0rk and Wester did a series of "____ is a piece of shit" following the Tyson's Punch Out!! boxers.

But friends, today we aren't here to tell you about Soda Popinski or Bald Bull. Rather this is a post about a non-pixelated, real life piece of shit. I don't wish to elaborate on all of the details of the story in question but will link to the full article.

Here's the skinny. A Pasadena high school polevaulter's track team was behind in points at the end of the competition against rival Monrovia High, requiring her to make a second place jump for her team to pull ahead for the win. In epic fashion she completed the jump and her team went ahead by a narrow margin. This is where the music is supposed to play and the crowd goes wild as the good guys win.

Well, that almost happened, except Monrovia's coach, Mike Knowles, pointed out to the ref conveniently after she completed her jump that the polevaulter was wearing a friendship bracelet (which apparently violates some nuance of the track and field no-jewelry rule in section 8a, subsection 13f, sub-subsection 3-11). Okay I made up that number but only to illustrate the absurdity of the technicality. The refs disqualified the girl's jump and the good guys did not win. The pathetic thing is Knowles is quoted playing like he is heart-broken that he had to be the guy to tell the official, which really comes across as third-rate disingenuous pandering.

I can only barely comprehend an official disqualifying someone over such an irrelevant technicality that has nothing to do with the spirit of the game. It's akin to an umpire calling a balk when a pitcher has a heart attack on the mound. But I digress. My main point is I wonder how this guy can pretend to teach sportsmanship to high school students after this?! At the least I'd like to believe that common decency can prevail over this sort of cynicism. But I'd be expecting too much from Coach Knowles.

Truly you are a piece of shit, and we're talking the pulpy, explosive kind that inspires even the flies to make Mr. Yuk faces.